I’m in the mood to talk about some lovey-doey stuff. Yes, it’s not a typo – ‘doey’ not ‘dovey’. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what makes people feel loved; what it means to ‘be’ in love; what is exactly love and how do you even distinguish it from other similar feelings like – admiration, attraction, lust, infatuation, etc? Naturally I am not the first person in the world to think about these questions, neither am I the first writer to write about it. However, these questions cross the minds of everyone at least once in life.
More often than not these questions are also taken too seriously and we end up with a much more complicated and confusing definition of love than it actually might be. Now I am not saying that I have figured out the mystery that love is or know the answers to all the above questions, but I do think I know a more effective approach that might make things easier.
The approach is simple and can be yours for just three simple payment of $39.99! Okay, just kidding, but not really. The first problem is that we need to stop marketing love as if it is a commodity. Love cannot be bought, traded, paid off in installments or shipped overnight. As simple as that.
The second problem I have identified is that of communication. We live in a world where saying takes precedence over doing. Texting a smiley face to a loved one is considered easier and better than actually meeting that person for a quick coffee and making them smile in person. And we think the same about love. We spend too much time telling the person how much we love them and not as much time showing them our love by actually doing. Love should be perceived as an action and not just an emotion. A combination of both is also good, but don’t just say it. Especially for a person like me who has a special relationship with words. I appreciate the small notes, whispers and texts of love because words are important to me.
Once you start showing the person how you love them by ‘doing’ loving things for them, you’ll find it easier to love them. Get to know her favorite flower and surprised her with it when she’s not expecting it at all. Get to know his favorite sports team and buy him surprise tickets when they’re playing in your city. You don’t even have to spend money. Get to know her favorite song and sing it in her ears as you lie in bed. That’s all it takes. And it sure beats the hell out of a generic ‘I love you’ text message or tweet.
So, no more lovey-dovey, but lovey-doey.
Thanks for reading.